Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Life I Learned from Bipolar Disorder

Life can change on you in an instant….Nobody is going to Fight for you but You….You never know what a person is struggling with inside so be nice….Sometimes you just get screwed and it isn’t your fault….It is okay to say No to things that stress you….Balance is a nice idea that is hard to execute….Every moment of good matters….It isn’t fair….forget about Shame….there is real magic in the world….Some people’s knee jerk reaction is cruelty….You are stronger than you can imagine….some of the most beautiful words in the English language are “me too”….Don’t under estimate the amount of compassion people can have for each other….Yes other people have it worse than you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t in pain….Just because no one listens to you doesn’t mean you should stop speaking up….Honesty is more helpful than positive thinking….Never underestimate the impact you can have on someone else’s life….You will always remember your darkest day….It only matters what other people think on one plane of existence….Everything you have is fleeting….All that matters is loving and being loved, there is no other success….Nobody wants your advice unless you’ve been in their shoes, and even then proceed with caution….Reflect….Don’t listen to the voices that aren’t you….True love exists….When you think you are at your bottom remember that there is always farther to fall….Let people help you….Being Vulnerable makes you tough….You are probably being strong even when you feel like you are weak….You are probably fighting hard even when you feel like you are failing….The only people who matter are the ones who stand by who you really are….You don’t need to share your true self with everyone….The world can be a dark evil place….A sense of humor can save you….Not everyone wants to understand….There may be more Bad in the world but the Good is so much stronger….Nothing is either or….Don’t trust people who act like things are clear cut and simple….You can either stand up for yourself or be run over….Ask for Help….Life is precious….If you’ve been blessed help others….Forgive yourself much as you can….Nobody else can tell you who you are….There are all kinds of acts of courage….There is probably more to you than you will ever know….It is possible to not want to exist but not want to die….It is possible for contradictory ideas to exist at the same time….the real you is not of matter….bravery….there is always more….transform….the only solid thing in the world is the tiny golden pulsing ball of light deep within your soul….sometimes you have to throw something….never underestimate the healing power of a friend who shares your “illness”….a quiet content heart is sacrosanct….when in doubt write it out….the people who think they know are not always right….find your tribe….protect your health with everything you have….Don’t let other people tell you who you are….

To Lithium or Not to Lithium…that is the question

(I wrote this awhile ago but never published it and now after my previous post remembered it.  It is funny since he has since contradicted himself big time and taken Lithium off the table for the long haul…whatthefuckever!)

You know there are times that I am just going about my life…

and then maybe the chronic low level blahness of Bipolar kicks up a little and I find myself shriveling or rattling or crying

and I think

I fucking hate this

And from there my thought marble drops down the stairs




to Lithium


Because while I do very well on my current meds my Pdoc has said that he’d like me to consider Lithium for the long haul.

He said that if I was really serious about wanting to stop the cycling….all the symptoms

that Lithium is where it’s at.


and of course my next thought ….

well after “but what about my kidneys!”


how is this happening?

are we really talking about


am I That Bipolar?

how did this happen to my life that I have Bipolar disorder?


and Like all of us (most of us?) I am afraid of Lithium

it is kind of funny that we are so afraid of it…

it has the most research

the most proven efficacy

and it is totally natural!

the chakra unblocking yoga people should technically be pushing it on us.

It is essentially a natural element of the earth….a supplement if you will…

that rights some of the wrongs in your brain

like vitamin D or whatever

plus they say Lithium has neuroprotective properties meaning it might actually stop the damage.

at least that’s what I’ve heard

So why aren’t we all leaping for it?

why am I not leaping for it?

Bunch of reasons…

first the boring old one about how it is a free element from the earth so it doesn’t make the big bucks Abilifat and Serofatquel do so there isn’t as much motivation to push it on us

and then there is the way we hear horror stories on the Internet. …..

You know them…

“I took lithium for one day and my feet exploded.”

“I gained twenty pounds in 13 minutes”

“I was so nauseous I pulled my car to the side of the road and puked my brains out”

“I was SO thirsty I found myself drinking out of my dog’s water bowl”

“after five minutes on it I went toxic and DIED”

“I’ve been on it five years and my Bipolar is fixed but I have to carry this bucket around to pee in because my kidneys have been shot to hell”


oh yeah

that’s why we don’t want it


And then there is the mystique of Lithium…..

Lithium means Bipolar

Lithium means legit Bipolar

like a minivan means legit Soccermom

Once you’re on Lithium it is official.

There is no question

You’ve got the Bipo

and you’ve got it bad

the rest of those meds can be used for other things sometimes….

“oh yeah sure I have epilepsy that’s why I take the anticonvulsants…”

its for anxiety…



but with Lithium there is no hiding.

No explanation

that shit makes people think Bipolar

actually I think it makes people think

Manic Depressive


Lithium carries the biggest stigma

although “antipsychotic” has a nasty ring to it

but it is much more avoidable….

“oh Abilify what is that..like an SSRI or something?”

“um well uh no it’s an antipsy…..people take it for depression..remember the commercial?!”

Although the Latuda commercials have pretty much outed us in that way.

I do appreciate though that they feature a normal looking mom character

well done Latuda People

thanks for the bone


Knowing me I would probably get some kind of off and bizarre glee and sense of accomplishment from a prescription for Lithium….

“look everybody I made it.  I’m the real fucking deal people!”

I mean I felt a grand feeling of achievement when I got my minivan…..”read it and weep people….I’ve made so many little humans I had to buy this big ass bus to move them around in”

(no hate mail necessary. I am very environmentally behaved.  No fear)


okay this is a weird post because I started it because I was feeling those Lithium thoughts.

The ones that hit me in the chest with the

“I hate this shit” feeling

because the thing is….

I’m scared of the Lithium.

I’m scared of it ruining my body.

Though when I told my Pdoc I was worried about my kidneys he said that that is not a big deal on low doses and that he would be more concerned about the long term effects of the other meds on my liver.

my jaw must have dropped because in all of this fucking horrible crazy med risk taking shit

I had never worried about my liver.

so thank you for that Pdoc.

But you know.  I am paying him to tell me stuff like that.


But I am also scared of Lithium because

what if it doesn’t work

what if I use the last bow in my quiver

and I miss


That scares me.  Because with my particular chemistry and type of Bipolar I don’t actually have a ton of options.


But anyway…..we will see

On one hand I want to join in with all of you who are like maybe someday I can handle this without meds…..

On the other hand I am just so fucking sick of it.

Life is short

I want to enjoy it

I wOuld like to spend the least amount of energy worrying about stupid Bipolar as possible

because this shit is forever

and I’m not actually that old



So if I do go on Lithium I really hope I can find a cute t shirt that says “Lithium” in sparkly pink letters.

it would make me happy

yeah I’m that weird

and you are reading my blog so what does that make you?




If Lithium is the hard core Bipolar ass kicking ninja of the medication world

And if Lithium is going to give me the life I want and deserve….

I might just invite her on in…

And if I do I’m getting that shirt

and yeah I would say “hey you guys read it and weep. I’m legit crazy! I am an official manic depressive now.”

I learned a long time ago that a little grandiosity goes a long long way.






Holy Shit Tapping Really Works!!

i’m gonna second this!

peace and well…peace🙂

Bipolar On Fire

I’ve had some pretty big life events in the past few days. First, I was terminated from my job (you know, the one I hate so much, that I’ve been off on Disability from). Second, this girl with the worst case of stage fright you’ve ever seen (It’s been bogging me down and making me sad for 20+years) got up and sang not one but TWO songs at Karaoke tonight (my first Karaoke experience). And I didn’t even shit my pants!!! Wow oh wow am I am a happy girl!

With the job loss, I have been tapping, saying “I am safe and secure.” And lo and behold, I HAVE been feeling quite safe and secure, not having the major meltdown like I would have in the past. While I was waiting for my friend tonight at the bar, I tapped “I can sing in public.” I can’t TELL you…

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Escape Fantasy Random Just Fun

heard this again and thought of you guys!

you truly haven’t lived until you’ve seen a Venga Boys video.  so i’m doing you a huge favor.

It’s kinda unfair though i’m not showing you Boom Boom Boom.


but this is the one I like when I’m depressed.

Yeah I know.

I never said I wasn’t weird

in fact I HAVE said I am weird…repeatedly

if you can’t take the cheese get out of the kitchen

peace love and escape fantasies


Scars and Egos and Finding the Truth


my biggest episode….arguably

it was the one that led me to my diagnosis…

and it also involved meds that were hell for me…

i felt like a house that had been set on fire….

and while the shell was left….

from the outside everything fine

the inside was burnt


like a forest after a forest fire…

the lush life that once danced in a rich wovenness through the fabric of it all

gone and not just gone


that was my brain

i do believe that there was a chemical fire in my brain

and i do believe that my synapse chemical brain structure forest must have looked different


changed forever

a havoc the previous episodes had never come close to wreaking

and in my heart soul spirit emotional center self place…

same thing

burnt out



and i felt lost

i didn’t feel like “myself”

i didn’t know who i was


i was confused by the diagnosis and everything

and everything inside the shell had been burned out…taken

i longed for a way BACK

i desperately sought and brainstormed ways to get


i wanted who i WAS back

i wanted to go back to who i HAD BEEN

but there is no RE in REcover

and there is no backwards

there is only forwards

and there is no

REcreating yourself

there is only…..




i was never going to go back to who I had been (not talking mere personality and passion here)…

i was going to have to BECOME


more than i was

many people experience events in life which strip them of everything….

events that take your ego and ruthlessly dash it upon the rocks

leaving you with shattered ego pieces…

the pieces of the identity and person and life that you so painstakingly constructed and protected

and it leaves you alone with them…

your ego never goes back together in the same way

you have been changed (scarred?) forever

and it can break you….

and then…

(i believe)

it can make you

not reclaim

but discover…

a real you

the real you


the truth








Not your mama’s Patty Duke Died Post-Badass Bipolar Hero

wHAT the Fuck?

she died

she actually died

Patty Duke is dead now?

i’M fucking SAD y’all

It feel in a way like my grandparent died

except I don’t really know my grandparents

I know Patty Duke

not personally!

I know her because she let everyone know her

that happens when you write memoirs

I know I have said previously that Therese Borchard was the first Bipolar person I “knew”

but that isn’t actually true

It was Ms. Duke

I feel all respectful and shit like I should call her that

maybe I shouldn’t have sworn ?

oh well let’s keep going

At first I didn’t know it…that she was the first fellow Bipolar I “met”

As a kid I drank up The Patty Duke Show (reruns! I’m old but not that old)

thoroughly enjoying the preposterous premise and the dresses Cathy wore

Somewhat later I was slightly hypomanicly obsessed with the Miracle Worker

it spoke to something in me

a deep dark emotionality and poignancy

and I found it beautiful in a way that went beyond what people around me felt (same thing with Moonstruck shrug)

From the creepy black and white opening with her stumbling through dark hallways to chilling music

to the pure aliveness of the end

I was hooked into the story

and mesmerized by the acting

I’ve always been somewhat of a fool for superb acting

I can tend to be rather Holden Caulfield about movies but great acting sucks me in

and she sucked me in

and next thing I knew I read her page turning (to me?) intense crazy memoir Call Me Anna

and THAT my friends was the first time I came across

Manic Depression

and so it didn’t cause me any judgement and there was no stigma or shame or anything in it to me.

Patty Duke had it.  That was all.  It seemed like it sucked immensely.

It made for an exciting heart breaking yet inspirational story

I didn’t know anything about society’s feelings surrounding it


I was an undiagnosed unaware cyclothymic teenager who felt removed from all of that….

like teenagers and humans tend to do…

I never thought anything like that would ever happen to me….

I also remember seeing the TV movie that was made out of Call Me Anna

I have somewhat recently scoured the world trying to find a way to see this movie and found it sadly impossible

maybe it will be possible now

now that she’s gone

And she played HERSELF in that movie

she played HERSELF people

rocking in corners

and hurling things around

and being Bipolar

literally reliving her own Bipolar

it is hard for me to imagine such bravery

such courage

such ferocious vulnerable exposure

especially 30 years ago

a time when Bipolar was even more stigmatized and way less understood and all of that good stuff

But anyway….

I felt a connection to her as a teenager…fascinated and inspired

so where do I go a large and raucous decade later when the Psychiatrist grabs my hand and stamps it with the Bipolar stamp….

I go to the Library of course and pick up….

Call Me Anna

and her other memoir A Brilliant Madness (a title I can’t help but love)

and I find comfort being immersed in the words of the one person I know is Bipolar

and I know she has “beaten” it…made a fine fine life for herself

overcome so much I mean Holy Hell what DIDN’T happen to her in childhood…

and given back in SO many ways…to our Bipolar community and so much more

she was as smart as a fire cracker

creative and beautiful inside and out

and witty of course…can’t do without witty around here

I went through youtube with a fine tooth comb watching her speak about Bipolar

I watched a clip of her on Oprah speaking to a newly diagnosed and suffering Bipolar man…

with a deep emotional ocean behind her eyes that can only come from one who KNOWS…

and she told him it could be better…. that he could have a good life

and that slammed me with a desperate trusting hope

and I cried

and I’m crying now

I’m actually kind of surprised how much the whole thing pings the back of my heart

but I’m also so sad because I just saw that her son, Samwise Gamgee…I mean Sean Astin, reported that she suffered horribly before her death

and I’m like


I don’t want it that way

I want her to have passed peacefully in her sleep like Gene Kelly or something

I know suffering is part of life and many people suffer terribly

but I still don’t want anyone to suffer

and to know of everything this woman went through….

a woman with such demons she tried to escape/kill herself numerous times

and then suffered terribly into death

at 69!

at 69

too early

and I think we could have used a lot more of her

I feel the loss for our community

she had a big voice

she was someone to point to….

I often did actually…when Bipolar came up…especially among an older crowd…stigma filled conversations and me voice shakingly piping up with….

“That isn’t what Bipolar really is.  Look at Patty Duke… she’s Bipolar.”

too afraid to out myself but happily using Patty Duke as an example of what a Bipolar can look like….

and what a Bipolar life can be

And we NEED that stuff

She was very wise

I learned a lot from her

Bipolar stuff and other life stuff

and one thing that matters most to me is that she accepted the Manic Depression wholeheartedly while also refusing to renounce one of her mystical experiences….

refusing to write it off as nothing but fucked up brain shit

she stood up to her PsychDoc and he continued to tell her she was in denial of all sorts and had just had a delusional and psychotic blip of sorts.

and she was all like fuck that shit

and as a Bipolar chick with a fair amount of mystical experiences tucked away in special files…I appreciate this greatly…

the idea that someone else…so known and so Bipolar..ALSO believes that this shit does not have to be all One way or All the Other…..

that’s just me

and Ms. Duke

I tweeted once for a post on textbook Bipolar that

“Nobody is textbook Bipolar except maybe Patty Duke”

she really was pretty darn textbook Bipolar

which unfortunately also allowed me to deny my own issues because held up to her Bipolar mine looks nothing like it

except in ways

and I get it now

this last quote from her sums everything up….

to me it is the quote I want to cross stitch (or someone else to cross stitch for me. I can’t handle that shit) and hang on my wall……

“I’ve survived. I’ve beaten my own bad system and on some days, on most days, that feels like a miracle.”


It is a miracle

we all know that

Shall I be super cray cheesy right now and say……

we’re all Miracle Workers

sure whatthehell

We’re all Miracle Workers



What the fuck?

She’s really dead?????????








Hearing You Heals Me-Reliving Bipolar

Here is what happens to me

I want so much to read all of your blogs

and I want to write mine

and I want to look at my Twitter

and it’s all Bipolar

and I get to thinking about Bipolar

and before I know it

I’m reliving my Bipolar

I find myself slipping and I sign off saying no more today….

only to find myself sitting in memories…….

flooded with feelings and images


my unwashed hair in a flippy bun….ugly brown tank top (all i could find)…hot sweaty day….

lawn mowers quesadilas

tears of numbness

hollow pained everything

unable to move or think or be


Calling Pdoc….she’s out of town….the Doc on call for her says…”just wait till she gets back”….five days…..

and I see myself like I’m watching myself from the side and I want to grab my own shoulders and ….i don’t know

this was the day i started researching hospitals

this was the day i felt bipolar close around me like a pack of wolves and I realized more than I ever had before…

that i wasn’t going to defeat this with a bad ass attitude and white knuckled grit

I finally faced the reality that I could be destroyed

that the Bipolar was not a cute quirky thing about me like my Zodiac sign or my Vivid Imagination

It was this day that I decided I would take the meds…

any meds

my second round…around 2 years after my first….denial is a powerful beast…


and so I sit here in this memory…..

feeling that place to a point where I want to write it….

and it makes me feel Bipolar

and it makes me think even more about Bipolar

it puts me in a Bipolar place

and I feel detached in a way from the other things I was about to do…the normal domesticity of life…the nonBipolar tasks and amusements…

which now pale beside these glaring neon memories and feelings

and I have to find a way back to my life

But even so

I am beyond grateful to share and express and vent and process these things….

i know on some level this is what we/I need to do to deal with this Bipolar life

On another level I have to be so careful…

so careful it makes me nauseous

I wish that once in awhile I could not let everything bleed together

I wish I was better at not being so susceptible to it all


I thank you all for sharing your lives and stories and traumas and fears

Hearing you helps me see mine…feel mine…heal (?) mine


pEACE Love and Processing Shit Together

Bipolar Together






The Bipolar Made Me Do It…but the Shame is eating me alive


We’ve all done it

We all know it

We’ve all been there

We all hold something

maybe a bunch of somethings

head hanging

head shaking



the Shame that is like an actual physical creature

the Shame that is like acid

burning you up inside

making you want to break glass windows

Shame that hurts





why why why



And it blows your mind that YOU were the person doing that

behaving that way

SAYING those things



and horrified

scared of yourself

of Bipolar

of the reality of what it can do

the extent to which it can take you from you

the way it can lead you blithely skipping into your own ruin

and that

is terrifying

You’re Not Hot enough to be Crazy-Bipolar Women and the pressure to look good


I was watching a TV show last night in which a man said to a woman…

“You’re not hot enough to be crazy”

The implication was not that hotness is listed in the DSM as a defining characteristic of being crazy…


the implication was that crazy is only tolerable in an attractive woman.

a “hot” woman

now this man was smack you in the face obviously supposed to be a dickwad

and it wasn’t a romantic situation

but it struck me anyway

especially because it came on the heels of an interesting (as usual) conversation I had with another Bipolar woman.

and it was about this idea

it was us asking this question

is crazy more tolerable from attractive well put together woman.

Is that what society thinks?

So then to hear this line in this show just kind of saying it….

well it made me want to think about it

so here I am thinking about it.

So is this like A Thing?

I’m not a man so I don’t know if they have some standards for how much crazy they will deal with according to how pretty the girl is.

Are they willing to deal with the crazy if they get pretty out of it?

and what about the rest of society….what about in a more general sense?

is this how it goes?

“She’s nuts but she’s adorable”

so it’s endearing

“She’s a crazy bitch but look at that ass”

like it’s worth it?

it’s worth dealing with the crazy?

there is a compensation

and somehow a fair amount of attractiveness cancels out a fair amount of crazy….

especially when that attractiveness is brought about or combined with a level of maintenance that makes a woman look….

“put together”

It all makes sense in a way given that the world likes pretty people

it just IS that way

So yeah…

maybe you get a pass of some sort

when you’re hot

maybe you can even be hot “enough” that people will accept your crazy

maybe you can be hot enough that people may find your crazy





Crazy without Cute is just…..



And Crazy is a huge pain in the ass


Once as a child……… maybe 8 years old?….

I went to school with my hair in pigtails

Proud was I of the glorious silky tails and cutesy feminine bows…

I was a small woman child

already attaching importance to my appearance in a way I am certain the second grade gentlemen did not.

And I felt pretty and adorable

and I liked it….

but the point of telling you this is that on this particular day…..

I didn’t do my math homework….

and I was singled out and told off a bit…

I was embarrassed and shamed and all of that

and my first thought was….

da da DA!

At least I look good.


For some reason this story (and tons more like it) feels relevant to this post.


and For some reason it feels relevant to the rest of my years following….

my years as a woman

my years as a Bipolar Woman

because where does this idea of…

“You’re not hot enough to be crazy”

put all of us “Crazy” women

perhaps many of you do not relate to this issue

but I know that many of you do

how are we supposed to deal with this?

how DO we deal with this?

is it by freaking out about our appearance?

every pound

every wrinkle

Do we feel DOUBLE the responsibility to “look good”?

one…because we are a woman


two….because we’re starting behind…we’re already at a loss….

because we’re damaged goods…

we are already NOT WORTH IT

and we damn well better AT LEAST…

be nice to look at


Like if you’re going to screw up and be Bipolar you need to at least be pretty.

throw the world that bone

Pull yourself together

dress cute

be cute

fix your face

and don’t eat

and maybe we’ll let the crazy slide


Maybe we will say……

Oh yeah that girl is Bipolar…..



isn’t she pretty?










My Bipolar Doesn’t have a Backburner

we all know that Bipolar is never something that we can just forget about…

all the meds in the world aren’t going to allow us to move on with our lives as though Bipolar never happened to us….or IS happening to us.

but can we once in awhile get to a point…a level…a place where the Bipolar is just something that we deal with in a semi detachedish way…

for me yes I think it can and does

although it is hard to say

the ride that it is for me has consisted of peaks of episodes and dips of denial (or vice versa however you want to look at it)

and neither episode nor period of denial really facilitates consciously moving Bipolar to a back burner

now does it?

and as usual when I scroll back through the months and years I find myself unable to truly decipher what was a Bipolarie time and what was not. Where did these episodes end and begin….how many of these little flare ups were really bigger flare ups that I didn’t realize….

Ya know…

How much “hyper” was “hypomania”

How much “hypomania” was “mania”

How much shitty “baseline” was really just more super cycling mildish all over the fucking place Bipolar CRAP?

yeah I don’t know

I wouldn’t bet money on any of it

but somehow in there I feel like I have a “normal” that is MY “normal”

there is some kind of something that happens sometimes and it somehow kinda feels like my normal…

I’m not calling it awesome or happy or actually normal or any shit like that

I’m just saying that in a Bipolar life my normal isn’t normal

but i feel like it’s normal

whatever I’m too tired to figure out a better way to explain it than that right now

but there was a point to that…

oh yeah

there have been times when I think about Bipolar less than other times

I feel like I am always hyper-vigilant

even now I just did a bit of traveling and I feel offish again

having Bipolar is like constantly renegotiating every single day.


that’s how I feel about that

but there is also a difference between managing your own Bipolar and thinking about Bipolar in general.

and at least for me the latter can be triggering


which is why I keep disappearing

I started this blog with a whole lot to say

and I’ve said so much

and I find myself unwilling to think and write about Bipolar all the time sometimes… right now…once in awhile…

I love the community and sharing the ideas and everything

but sometimes I want to “forget” about Bipolar

I have to deal with mine of course but I don’t want to think about it beyond that

sometimes I don’t want to hear the word Bipolar all the time

I don’t want to think about my history with it

I don’t want to go about my daily life thinking deep thoughts about Bipolar in my head

sometimes I just don’t want to rub it in my own face that I am Bipolar

sometimes I want a day or week or month or (gasp) a year (nah impossible) without thinking very much about the global Bipolar

part of it is my fault

I don’t moderate very well.  I am ALL or NOTHING

I am IN or I am OUT

I am thinking about it ALL THE TIME or I am thinking about it NEVER

as the song by Terri Clark goes….

“I never could do anything with half my heart”


I tend to get a little fiery…a touch passionate…I tend to care A LOT

and that my friends

can wear a girl out.

After my break and internet “cleanse” I view Bipolar kind of like my relationship with the internet and all of that….

It’s there.

I can’t get rid of it.

I have to deal with it.

but I have to engage in it without getting sucked in.

Bipolar is like my phone

it’s always there but if I look at it all the time it makes me cray

but ya know if I have an idea I’m gonna write it down

unless like now I feel like my arrows are falling all around the point I wanted to make and not succeeding in getting a word to hit the actual bullseye.

I’m having a hard time focusing

but hey

good enough works for me if it works for you


So what do you think about Bipolar and the back burner?

Like can it happen?

Do you get this difference I see between managing your own and talking about it all of the time…which I don’t think is just a blogger thing because it happened to me before I was a blogger and just in the community.

I don’t know.  I wonder.

I think for me it is possible to stop thinking or shelve the thinking about the general global Bipolar…because I have…

but as for a back burner for My Own Personal Bipolar….

not so much

I’d like to think that sometimes when the rolling boil has calmed down to a simmer that I can put a lid on it

and just come stir it once in awhile

anxiously checking

afraid the whole thing will bubble over the sides and down into the burners


and god damn but it is fucking hard to clean those burners

takes forever

in some cases takes a professional

and a lot of chemicals


fuck man I love an analogy that just keeps going

and going


I’ve got analogies for days y’all


whew I feel like this a scattered ramble but I miss you beautiful crazy people so I’ll publish it for ya.



Peace Love and Analogies involving Burners









Fuck you very much you Silly PsychDoc

Okay come on now

Yes we all know by now that psychiatrists all say different things

and remember I have seen 10…firing them off at my own volition until I have found one worth the ugly couch you sit upon.

don’t you love the ones that have chairs…

it’s so different so inspired so fresh and unpsychoanalytic

and I love how they say with a self satisified smile

“oh sit wherever you like!”

all like “Look how cool and relaxed and in touch I am”


psychiatrists make us crazy

but what is also so dementingly infuriating is how one Pdoc contradicts himself


others have done this

and my current one does this

and when I call him out he makes shit up and covers himself with stuff like…

“well I said that because X Y or Z was happening”

and I’m like “No it wasn’t you said this…”

and on and on

and it’s totally fucking pointless

because we all know

i’m crazy

and he’s the doc

we could just check the notes and see what was said….


but anyway he contradicts himself on stuff like…

what my long term med should be…

which med is more damaging for my liver



etc etc etc

ya know

important shit like that

and I’m like

W T F M F !!!!!!!!

because all of these things are important.

we’re talking about the longterm health of our ENTIRE bodies

and I don’t know about you all

but I want to make it all the way to the end of this crazy beautiful life!

I know

I’m weird like that

and these meds are serious

and we are faced with decisions all of the time

and it would BE NICE to have A DOCTOR

help us out.


I will say though That I Like this Pdoc

I do

Yeah he’s got a power trip thing

and he does this contradicting himself thing

but I like his approach to meds

he gives me the meds I want and know I need

he says deep shit

he’s got a lot of experience with Bipolars

and he’s fucking smart

and that matters to me

so ya know

Nothing is perfect

I just hope my liver is actually okay

that silly SOB



Peace Love and those FUCKING Pdocs





Help me understand the awards stuff

this is not a good post.  This is just a questionguys I don’t get it.

What is the deal with the awards stuff?

I never know what to do.

I think people have tried to nominate me or something before and that is so sweet but I don’t get it and there are so many directions involved and I just feel weird.

And then some people choose to be “an award free blog” and may even have it posted on their homepage “this is an award free blog”

and I don’t know why people do that either.

Anybody want to explain it to me.